Days gone by

Kinda feel like writing again. Not sure what though. Fiction for sure. I never really had a knack for non-fiction. Non-fiction implies I'm good at something, I guess. Or have something relevant to share. Which I kinda don't.

I don't... I don't know what to write though.
Or what to write about.

Maybe it's just a pipe dream. I have other commitments anyway.

-Toan

Weekend

Uni's coming soon. Sigh. I don't want my holidays to be over.

It's not like it was getting to any sort of crescendo, but I'm just... not really looking forward to uni? I guess?

Though maybe I'll make more of an effort to see people.

I do believe I have lunch dates with people. Probably.

Except.... hospital 3 days a week. Man... I'll need to get some more nice shirts and pants I bet. Gotta go shopping then. Thankfully, there's plenty of fashion stores on the way to hospital (It's on Oxford St., near King's Cross) so I can probably pop in and snag some nice deals? Maybe? I remember shopping for hoodies once and it was kinda expensive. But at least the quality and the fabric were nice. So I can't really complain.

Actually, it might mean that I see people less than I do now. Oh well.

It's not like you actually needed me around.

-Toan

Hello world

Games are fascinating, particularly as a piece of literature. Shame it's sometimes hard to find the ones worth talking about.

Slowly working through my backlog in the leadup to uni time again. And finding that I wish I had more time.

Whatever.

Not quite sure which is more interesting, the story of an individual in extreme circumstances, or an individual that's supposed to be an everyman, in said circumstances.

Which is to say, I enjoyed Transistor more than I enjoyed Bastion and I think the story had a major part to it. Though the music and aesthetic is also nicer in the former. Friends are telling me I'm crazy.

I'm not so sure. I could make an argument, but I'd be uncertain about which parts are subjective.

I guess that's part of the charm of playing games - it's subjective and interactive.

-Toan

Wanderer

Somehow got roped into competitive gaming again. In a game that I quit something like two years ago and have only really been playing casually since. I guess now I have more commitments? Commitments to friends I guess.

I don't have that many commitments, but those that I do have... I'm not sure they're altogether important. A lot of the ways I spend my time is self-improvement in one thing or another, but usually games cause that's fun at least.

A lot of the people I know, are through games. Which... I don't know. I mean, in any given crowd of people, there are great people who I'm happy to be with all the time, and then there are the people you don't really wanna mingle with that much. I wonder what the proportions are.

In particular, there's this one person who I think is pretty neat with amazing qualities who fits in the former category and the above super-category. But I guess I value the friendship more than the chance that I'll mess that up. Honestly though, I'm not sure what to do.

It's not like I'm good at decision making. Maybe it seems that way because I'm not bothered with the outcome.

Usually.

-Toan

In Circles

Somehow, I'm exhausted. Probably from.. something. Who knows.

I wish I knew why. I also don't know when my uni timetable is gonna be released. I kinda don't want to know either, cause then holidays will be over.

Meeting new people and making new friends, as well as people I'm not that fond of just makes me sort of... wonder. Or reflect. On past relationships that I've had with people, platonic or otherwise.

It's kinda like. How did I meet these people. And then why did they become my friends. Or how. And when. I mean, it's kind of interesting but... Maybe ultimately useless.

I used to be in a relationship with someone who alternatingly loving and hating. For clarity's sake, some days they really hated me and other days, they really loved me. It was a little disconcerting the first time, for sure, but after a while, I just got used to it. It wasn't so hard to avoid them on the days that they wanted nothing to do with me.

I don't know what to call that relationship. It's hard to really describe it, though that was probably the key aspect of that relationship. I guess there are things that relationships include or revolve around. And this was it. Looking back, I don't know why it started anyway. Who knows. Times have changed from them, and probably for the better.

I'd like to say I'm more mature. But I'm really still unsure.

-Toan.

Actually...

Something has been bothering me.

There are people. Who bother me. I don't know why they do. At one point, I was proud to call them my friends. Now... Now I'm not so sure.

Have I changed so much that what I admire in a person changed as well? I can't say for sure when this happened, but any respect I had for them is... wavering. It's tenuous at best.

I suppose what really concerns me is what I'm to do about it, if at all. I realise that a lot of my "problems" are really... ones that I make for myself only because I don't tell other people. I refuse to make other people feel bad for things they haven't done. And yet, I don't think there's a solution.

As such, I guess I'll have to wait.

I could lay out why they annoy me now and again, but I figure the best option is just to not bother and... what? Avoid them as much as possible? That's... Eh. I mean, I'm pretty good at running away from problems. It's not like much is going to change here, right?

-Toan

Promises

I promised myself a long time ago that I'd come back to this.

I re-read the last two posts I wrote and realised that things have indeed changed since that time.

A lot of things actually.

Something that hasn't changed is probably my writing style. Though that's probably because I don't read enough.

Anyway, I'm back, somewhat. With or without a flourish.

There are also things I regret doing and also things I regret not doing, but that's hindsight for you.

In any case, I ought to reclaim this space, and this is what I'm doing, really. I'm not entirely sure what to reclaim it with, but maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe, I just need this space to think.

It's much better to write it out than just to have it all in my head in any case.

-Toan

Busy busy...

Wonder if I should start posting about MTG on another blog. Seems appropriate.

Had a few ideas about names.

Specifically, that names are inherently meaningless, but we accept them as being an identifier for someone or something, unconditionally.

And then when we meet someone with a similar/same name, we might look at them and think "...You don't look like a Samuel".

I guess it's more about stereotypes and how hard they are to change when you don't really question them now and again.

Anyway, between learning anatomy, getting enough sleep, work, maybe starting my assignment and other uni crap..

Hoping your uni breaks are excellent.

Once more into the breach, dear friend - Once more.

Came back to this because I figure I should do with leaving some kind of record around.

Though, I never re-read this either. And no-one particularly reads it.

Need to practice consulting and examining people D: Normal people, but still.

Hands and abdomens currently. Learning knee later.

Only been 3 people in my feed for blogger.com so it's nothing fancy.

Should sleep now.

Hoping I do look back on this later.

History

"A 22 year old male presented with a bulla under the left ear. He was given a prior diagnosis of an inflammed sebaceous gland and wondered if he should excise it himself. He had a preceding upper respiratory tract infection which started 2 to 3 months ago, but has since passed, along with associated symptoms. The bulla is roughly circular and is 4 cm in diameter. The surrounding lymph nodes were swollen. He was given cephalexin monohydrate and recently started taking twice the prescribed dose in an attempt to clear the infection faster."

....Not sure what else to put - this one was a weird one.