OWeek and...things.

Y'now when you have something you probably should give up, but it's so close to you that it's hard to?

So far, I've got 3 friendships that feel that way, and... I dunno.

When there's time away from them, I know I probably should give them up. Cause they're not all that positive, etc.

Or inspiring, other than..negatively...inspiring? Haha.

I'll probably stop caring in a week. Is that bad? It's probably bad. Bad on the scale of 1 to bad.

delete12 said...

tapping my mountains, get shoked and fireballed for 2 hit points all day every day

then i ping you with lobber crews

Actually, I was trying to explain something about M+G the other day, and inadvertently wrote MTG.

And I'm pretty excited about the new sets, and actually having money to spend on the game. It should be cool in uni. There's probably a gameshop around the corner somewhere in Kensington. Though I haven't seen it yet.

I think I'm giving up on competitive TF2. Which is a bit of a shame but I don't think I have that kind of time anymore. Maybe I'm just not good enough with time to be a professional level gamer. And that's ok too.

Upgrading my computer, and I'm sourcing parts but father says to wait - he's compiling a list of cheap parts or something like that. I actually burnt out my PSU for my desktop, so I'm on a laptop.

And I need to get a graphics card too for the desktop.

icedtrees said...

I made my first lesson free so it made more sense

I was going to do that, and then my parents were like "Hell no. Don't do that."

So I just took a little bit of a discount. And now my parents are like "Ehhh.... you shouldn't have done that, but now you know better."

From the looks of it, this one girl's mother is going to want me to tutor everything for the next 2 years. Which is kinda cool.

4Math, 3Eng, Phys, Chem. That's like... I dunno. At a quick estimate, $14000+ over 2 years depending on how I price individual subjects and such.

Unless I did my math wrong.

Being underpaid sucks :( My mother was telling me about how one of her colleagues has a daughter that's getting tutoring for $20/hr. And then she told me that last year, she said her daughter was going to $50/hr tutoring. We both think that colleague is lying because the thing that changed was my availability as a tutorage person thing. And therefore, it's like a social..status...thing. Kinda like "haha, I'm richer." and then later, "Welp, if your son wants to tutor my daughter, he'll have to do it for $20/hr".

Screw that ==" $20 is so little. Apparently, big companies would pay $21/hr minimum.

Totally what I'm doing to my students

I should sign up for ISS2013 Staffies, but I'm just so lazy. I need to write a cover letter, and spruce up my resume. Haha.

I wonder who else is signing up?

Aereas said...

transhumanism shouldn't start from technology but rather the mind, a way of thinking, a perspective to realise our human limitations and first improve ourselves through what we have first rather than relying on things to come.

well, that's me anyway.

so yeah, humans aren't ready for immortality. but i'm sure transhumans will.

So basically....

You will be assimilated.

Just kidding.

Here's a reply that you might feel interesting. I have a little more faith in humanity, but science will help with a lot of problems.

I think this might be cooler, but it's definitely fantasy.

I think this might be a more accurate representation of a fusion between humanity and artifice. It's definitely more artistic and such.

"7. "What if life's just one big ball of regret, and that whatever you do, you're always going to regret it?"

I love this"

I'm not sure why you like it, but I'm glad you do (...? Ahaha.)

I'm considering applying for 2 casual positions. I wonder if I'll have enough time.

[Yes, I'm aware it's all out of any kind of organisation, but it's a blog - I'll just space it out enough and it should be ok]

"Also, I still think all people are good, despite all of that. Be nice to people, because you have felt exactly the same things as them one point in your life.

It's hard to have empathy for people who you can't relate to. But that's okay."

I'm probably going to meet a lot of alcoholics, HIV patients, transplant patients and drug addicts. I wonder if I'll be able to empathise with them. I hope I can.

"Not sure why people would be annoyed at you for forgetting small things. If they’re small, then it doesn’t really matter if you don’t remember them."

Well, this friend makes a big deal about it. I think one other person I know does that too. It's kinda stressful. 

"I always thought friendships shouldn’t been given up. I’m not so sure anymore. Or maybe I was just thinking how everyone should be loved. I would try to love everyone, but I’m pretty sure I’m not loving enough to be able to do that.
Reminds me of one of those Jodi Picoult quotes I saw before, “I wondered what happened when you offered yourself to someone, and they opened you, only to discover you were not the gift they expected and they had to smile and nod and say thank you all the same.”

Are there even such things as endings? Time will keep on going. New things will keep on happening."

I think everyone should be loved, but some people are just..hard to love. It's a fine balance to find I think...

Jodi Picoult's books have a type of cover reminiscent of Bryce Courtney. Which is cool, considering how many Fifty Shades of Grey copies/imitations there are. I even saw "Fifty Shades of Hay" which goes along the same theme...just set on farm(s).

Eurgh. I feel dirty just thinking about it.

"I also don’t understand why people might have to swear and scream/yell at someone for them to finally understand that the person is angry. That shouldn’t have to happen. But it does…"

I think eventually my language can get to the point where it's just plain cryptic, but doesn't feel that way to me. It's just confusing.

There are however times where I just say things in a certain way because it's a joke, but most people can tell that apart. For the most part though, I don't think I get angry.

Anyway, I'll be at uni from 9 to 11 tomorrow, at least.

Hoping to see whoever, there.

Tutoring

I'm actually tutoring an accelerated Physics girl atm. Which is kinda cool, except that she goes to a Catholic, co-ed private school.

The point is not the religiosity [that's actually a word?] but the fact that in this particular instance, the teacher's really disorganised.

It's pretty fun teaching her, just that her mother's a little...stingy?

It's a bit annoying.

I don't want to be having a discount every week. I should explain.

Normally I charge $X per hour, usually under the presumption it's a 1 hour weekly service,  and so on.

First lesson with this student, I go 1/2 an hour overtime, and then decide, screw it, $X times 1.5, minus $5 is ok.

I get home, and her mother [who's paying me] tells me that 1.5 hours next week for that reduced fee is ok.

And I'm like "........Nooo it's not ok..."

But I dunno how to tell her that. I mean, I don't want to offend her or anything. Hrmm..

I mean, I charged less because it's the first lesson and less is being taught. I swear - next time I might as well charge the full fee. :(

I'm thinking of calling tomorrow and explaining that it's the first lesson, etc. etc. and that I don't give discounts and it's a pretty good rate, etc.

Sigh, problems.

Year 12 physics... feels weird to be doing it again.

Especially M+G. Remember that?

Her exam's in March. Soo...kinda annoying.

Hoping you guys might be able to help.

Fingers to keyboard (?)

Sometimes it's kinda hard to talk about certain things, and it feels kinda...weird to actually use pen and paper.

Like, it's sort of...rough? I feels different and not quite...fast enough I suppose.

Which is kinda bad, because then my handwriting speed's never going to get better.

And there are written exams in uni huh. Sigh.

Anyway, I'm coming to the conclusion that a lot of people get annoyed at me when I forget really small things they've told me before.

I get annoyed too when people forget things, but usually it's within a small timeframe - ie; something I taught them a week ago, or something I told them a few hours ago.

Not something I told them months ago.

I guess it's a small gripe, but it's really...irritating when people hold it against me.

I think there are only a few times I get angry, and either it's with people I love, or about conservative dogma, or just blatant injustice.

There's one person, and I have half a mind to never talk to them again.

But I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do.

I guess I'm always of two minds on anything, and it's...

Well, it's frustrating to say the least. Annoying's another.

I can understand the other side, but it doesn't make anything easier - it just makes it harder.

Sometimes I really wonder if some friendships just need to be given up.

[I don't like endings.]

What if life's just one big ball of regret, and that whatever you do, you're always going to regret it?

I dunno - I wonder about that and my own life, and it seems quite true, but that might be because I don't have the confidence to believe in my choices.

(inb4 great wall of Angst)

In a way, I think it must be nice to have that faith in your life.

Perhaps I'm too attached to somethings, even when they're bad for me.

Is it possible to be addicted to things that may have only been a figment of your imagination?

Also, completely unrelated (again), I noticed that whenever I'm angry, my language tends to become increasingly verbose. Which is kinda bad because some people might not understand, and that leads to one of two reactions. 1) I get angrier or 2) I sniff disdainfully, knowing (for certain, of course) that I have the moral and intellectual upperhand.

I feel like such a jerk either way.

Which is why I hate getting angry.

Sometimes though, the only way to get people to understand is if I start swearing. But that makes me feel like the lowest person there is. It probably shouldn't, but it does.

On another note, it's apparently been shown that venting anger via screaming/punching/etc. is cathartic, however it only reinforces aggressive behaviors.

Basically, venting rewards aggressive behaviors as "good", under the premise that you "won't do it to a real person, animal, robot, cyborg, etc."

But positive reinforcement is still reinforcement.

Which is of little consequence to me as I didn't vent anyway, but just fyi.

Another thing is probably that Allan Pease was right.

I believe there's a comment on that video that I need to reply to. Dang it - I forgot. ("No big surprise")

Also, if you haven't seen me on TF2, it's because I don't really have the passion for it right now. Perhaps not anymore. It's starting to become a point of sadness and frustration for me, and so is Dota (as expected).

Perhaps sometime I'll give up gaming altogether and do something "more worthwhile".

They say that you only remember the good moments, and the bad moments not so much, but it kinda seems as though I'm wired differently. Sure I remember the good bits, but the bad bits stand out so much more.

Like, because of certain circumstances, I now have a very strong bias against Texans, and for that matter, Americans in general. It makes me feel like an ass, again.

[For that matter, there are many, many flaws in American society, and that doesn't really help my perception of it.]

tl;dr, I'm a bad person, but I don't think you guys seem to actually care.

Which is a little confusing, because I don't think your judgments are wrong either. Which means I'm a good person, who believes their bad?

Or a bad person, who no-one sees as bad and thus is believed to be good?

Or a good person, who insists they're bad, but then realises that these are flexible terms which align towards society's morals and thus should not be used because they're stupid, and that instead, they should label themselves as stupid.

And then proceed to be outraged when they are indeed called stupid by others.

I kinda have a feeling I'll be a terrible doctor.

Like, if I have a really hard time letting go of silly, small things, and people who probably don't matter (but still want to hang onto them anyway), then how am I ever going to get over the death of a patient?

And what if I find out that my passion is paediatric neurosurgery?

:(

Or paediatric cardiosurgery?

Sigh. Parents say that "you get over it" and you just "learn to act professionally".

I wonder if I ever will learn that.

It seems as though I won't ever "grow up" or have a "maturity".

The worst part is that I imagine an opposite end.

That after a while, I just stop caring, and I "do my best", as accurately as I can and if something goes wrong, it's probably not my fault, etc.

I'm not sure how other people do it. Especially in other areas.

Maybe if transhumanism becomes a reality, I won't have to care about all this.

But then would life really be worth living?








[PS. This is probably way too long. I'll go to bed now. I was going to say one other thing... Whatever, I'll write about it some other time. Wow, it's 11:30.]

Night of Firsts (?)

"My daughter likes black people... only because of their big hair" - Auntie

"You mean.. the massive hair...?" *gestures* - Me

"Yes, exactly!"

- A discourse on tradition meets modernity at a Chinese Banquet in a Western society

Of course, that was all in mandarin.

It was pretty fun, ate some nice stuff.

I might have pictures later - it was my niece's (first removed, I believe) 100th...day..alive. Yea.

She's really small. And she had those jade bangles and bracelets and whatnot.

Those are cool too.

It was a pippies for entree (I think that's how you spell it), and then a platter of various things including abalone, pork ribs in that sauce and then red bean...soup(?) for dessert, with fruit.

Father says that you should never eat fried rice in restaurants, cause they get the rice leftovers from someone else and then cook it up for you.

Also, the same thing with reusing fruit.

And, lots of discussion about who's doing what and when and how fat and how pretty, etc.

Just your usual asian dinner..feast...celebration...thing.

Oh and lots of tea.

Tea's really good.

Oh and red packets from Chinese New Year I guess.

Hoping you guys are having fun.

Blood Tests

"HIV?"

Had the blood test yesterday, but I forgot to ask them to include my blood type in the results :<

I get the results on Friday and I'm not sure when I can remove this little bandaid on my left arm.

Also, I'm not sure if they'll let me know about my HIV status - something I probably should have asked too.

Mostly because I need to let the faculty know if I have that.

Further, I dunno which hospital to pick - there's St. Vincent, St. George, Price of Wales and Liverpool.

:<

They all seem kinda hard to get to.

Met a nice lady - 31 and she's in the robotics business.

Apparently, "designing an AI that thinks about butts all day so it can help fit women's jeans"

I was pretty skeptical too.

But apparently it's true, and I think it's pretty cool, even after a few "butt bot" jokes.

Who knew someone would actually design that?

Only problem is that she doesn't have any startup funding at the moment, which is lame.

I think it'll be cool to be in the workplace in the next decade - think of all the people you'll meet!

Hoping you guys are having a grand old time.

Checklists

"Urghhh"

:L

Checklistsssss - so much stuff to get done.

And I have a month to do it D:

And and, there's a paragraph which says I probably need to prove that I'm HIV-negative. But then I called, and the lady said I didn't need to do it, probably.

And I need to register at some Agency.

Sigh so much stuff...

On the flipside, I'm closer to actually starting uni.

And textbooks. Should I get second hand or new?

Hoping you guys are less busy I suppose.

New Year

"Happy Chinese New Year"

Or - New Year's Coming Soon [pinyin]

And, it was kinda fun, a bit of a long journey.

Better start advertising myself as a tutor though.

And, on the car trip we see a guy fully decked out in long sleeve and jacket and beard.

In 35+ degree heat.

Brother: He's like a rock star. They're always wearing a leather jacket.That's why everyone thinks they're hot.

And I got $10 from my cousins. But that's not the point.

Hoping you guys are having a great time and such.

Mornings

"41 degrees"

I think I'm visiting my cousins for new year. I haven't really seen them in a while, but it still feels kinda neutral.

I mean, I like them, but they're not all that close, I suppose.

Is that bad?

As for uni hopping, I might like UNSW better later, but for the moment it's still blech.

I still haven't eaten breakfast, but that's not so bad.

There's a level of anxiety which won't go away and I'm not sure why. It's pretty irritating.

Maybe it's cause I'm bored.

Sigh.

Hoping it goes away.

A return to updating.

"So here's what's been happening"

Been watching some of 820's first person commentary, but I don't think it's very interesting for the most of you.

I followed a blog by a PhD student recently, and it's pretty interesting with way too much stuff to read all at once. I suppose it's like bookmarking it but not really.

As for what I've been doing:

1) Preparing to study as a Physician.

2) Gaming (obviously)

3) Building a new computer

4) Trying to get money to finish 3)

5) Which means that I'll need to get my timetable first before I plan anything. I don't want clashes :L

Unfortunately, parents feel that I'm not doing enough to get a job - which I'm not, but clashes are ugly and I'd rather avoid it.

And lately I've been a bit irritable because...

I dunno. I feel irritable. Probably too hot. And a bit frustrated at home, which is ironic because I can't really get a job or such without having my timetable.

Sigh.

Catch 22 anyone.

Looking forward to the program, but not really caring much about the uni, the other people in my course (except if there's teamwork, which there probably will be - I hope the other people in my course aren't lazy or arrogant or...y'now. Obnoxious. But that's what interviews were for....right?)

I don't think I have much else to comment on besides how 820's a smoker [I think that's what he said] and then he goes on to say that "When you're my age, 23, 24, you realise the most important thing is your health."

It's all in mandarin, but it just sounds like a lot of my family. Is it an asian thing?

I don't want to write the pinyin, but if you know mandarin, you know the phrase "the most important thing is your health"

[btw, Dota/Dota 2 players should know who 820 is. He's pretty cool. I like his voice.]

I like the facial expression on the thumbnail.

Anyway, have a look at that - it's not mandarin, and it's hosted by Penn and Teller. If you don't know who they are, I hope you're willing to take a look on youtube at their magic [they're magicians].

Hoping you guys are having a great time

I think I'm addicted to "hoping for a new day"

[Coming soon~]

(Ie; too lazy/tired to post properly)