Condense, Reconstruct, Re-evaluate...

"I'll probably get to 400 within the week. I have 6 days."

Ok, postponing:

Stories (I'll catch up later. By the end of the half year, I'll have...8 or 9 stories queued. Hm...)
NQE (I'll catch up with this later, too)
Any folding other than to get 400.


Cool.

Anyhow, does anyone wanna be a study partner with me, for Eng Ext?

Prerequisites: Have to be in my class, check your emails often, and willing to do this, duh.

Really, we'd just be swapping essays.

http://www.youngwriter.smh.com.au/cmspage.php?intid=301

And THAT!

The prizes are relatively mediocre, but I'm going to try and win that!

Which means a lot of writing. If the half years end at May something, then that gives me... One month to write something really really really good.

The work experience is a bit =/, but you can't consider just part of it. Anyway, though it's probably a slim chance, I'm still going to try and win it.

Hoping no-one fails/flails/whips/swords.

3rd Row.

"If each row is 30, then, 116/400"

I'm getting there.

Ok. I have an order for my work. I don't know whether I should do my "homework" though. Perhaps, I'll just...

Do homework some other time.

Postponed: NQE

Cause 1/2 years come first, for now.

Hoping tomorrow I won't be so tired.

Hm. Toss up between...

"60/400"

If you don't know what I'm making, then just sit and watch. Don't ask me.

And, I don't have much time, now. 8 days.

I'll get it done, though. Even if it means less melee time.

NQE's too....

Half-year study..hm.

Hoping it's not too hot tomorrow.

Essay - Thoughts upon

"What are the facts? Again and again and again - what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars fortell", avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history" - what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!"

It used to mean, thoughts upon. And it still does, because there are science essays and such. English is a little different because they tack on top of it, a question.

And, it's very different.

For instance, I'm flailing with open ended questions, because the one thing I have no been doing, is proving that the Human Condition is wide and varied in it's encompassing of ideas. Maybe that's it. Perhaps, maybe...

At least, I'll try that for the next "Discuss this in relation to the Human Condition" question.

Also, apparently my writing style flickers/borderline colloquial and formal. It's mostly formal, and then apparently flickers into colloquial here and there. Oh well.

I have a white dog. His name is Hope.

He is wet-folded, and while he exists in my mind, he is not quite in front of me right now.

And that is better than a wet-folded model, because it cannot be destroyed. It cannot be damaged. It can't be forgotten.

"My biggest fear is "to be forgotten""

Practice will always further yourself. I'm still learning. I'm still failing. My essays are getting worse and worse. But I don't care.

Because I'm learning why.

Because there's a distinction between disappointment, empty and fruitless, and thinking about how you could improve.

"To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state."

And, another favorite, from Tolstoy,

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

So, are you truly happy?

And so. I'm afraid that, in the exam, I won't be able to write as well as I do at home. Because I'm sad, because I'm angry.

Because emotions are rather powerful inspiration.

And they lead to very good points. Which, should be in essays.

So, if inspiration is from emotion. What's the solution to this?

There is really none. What does anxiety breed? So, should you take the anxiety and change it, truly change it, then you'll have something good to write about. Or perhaps, know what points you are going to present.

So, why should you bother? Why is it that work is so hard?

Because mediocrity is unacceptable.

Sometimes inspiration comes from the weirdest sources, but it is inspiration nonetheless.

So that's why I will not fail. It's going to be hard, sure. But I won't give up.

So don't tell me, "Stop doing that", or "Why do you have to do that?"

"Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius."

It would also be a good motivator, too.

"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment."

Of course, people will always judge. People don't know what else to do in some situations BUT judge.

I realised that I have no patience for those who deep down, cannot be bothered to do anything; the laziness and apathy, that they cannot do their own work, they wish for so much and are disappointed when their expectation is not met.

Those people who say, "Oh you're so good" and they don't do anything themselves.

Really, it just means that should I be jealous, I don't have any excuse not to do more work.

"What's gone and what's past help
Should be past grief." - Shakespeare

You know. This is actually turning to be something that could go in my essay. Funny that.

I know that this kind of thing is going to be rather snide and cruel at one point or another, but I don't care.

I should, though.

And you know what? Happiness pales in comparison to grief. It does not have nearly that same lasting impact. Happiness can last for anywhere from a second to a few days. Sadness lasts for a lifetime.

So, if seriousness and sadness go hand in hand, I should write more about it, huh?

Ok, so practice regime for English => One essay, One story per week, no doubt.

Oh, today's the 30th, yes? I need to renew Animal Farm.

And y'now what I said about sadness not feeling good?

It does feel good. Because...it's hard to explain. But it does, from time to time.

And, I don't understand how you could say something, Aereas, and then do something completely opposite, proving that what you said is false. I'll let you think about what that certain thing is.

"The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy, brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else."

The thing is, I'm always going to be brooding, and melancholy, and I doubt anyone can change that. Unless there is someone who can. And I really doubt that, without it seeming that they're actually trying.

So there's my rewrite in a long and stupidly clunky way.

Happiness => Not lasting, fleeting, too whimsical
Sadness => Lasting, but socially "bad", etc. etc.

So, moving from one point to another, and everything in between, should accommodate for my jumpy writing style, and also answer the question. Might write up that essay this weekend, and see what teach thinks, quickly.

And, why all this? Because Divya said something that Ms. Clarke said:

"Smile!"

"Why?"

"SMILE! JUST DO IT."

"WHYYYYY?"

"Because if you fake it, eventually, you'll feel it and it'll be genuine."

Nostalgia and melancholy go hand in hand, and it's not always bad.

I don't care if I think too much.

I don't care if you think that.

Because, why can't I think?

I do believe I've said it a few times when people complain that it's too hard:

"It's because they want you to *gasp* think."

Half hearted laziness is acceptable, though.

I think there's a difference between depression and empowering sadness. One is confining. The other utilizes a very thin bubble to contain you; a pathetic attempt.

It's times like this I remember why I like English. Because it's attainable, yet challenging.

Also.

Don't say that someone can't do something.

Everyone's heard of it, but I can't count the number of times that someone else has seriously told me that I can't do X, or Y.

I have 2 hours of spare time. I could be writing a story in this time.

Also, something about a homosexuality vs origami skill curve.

And, no, folding a piece of paper in half is not hard =.=""

It's disturbing that I can't tell a certain someone that he has friends apart from just me. Or, to go away, make some more, or meet with the ones you know, but don't think.

It's...I try to be tolerant. But one day, I'll snap. Again.

"Concern should drive us into action and not into depression."

Another one.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Pretense is draining, but it's not something that I can live without. Because then half my friends would probably run off. Or something.

Yes, yes, friends aren't supposed to do that. But I have a doubt that, in my X number of friends, I don't know how many, there will be Y number who would not help me when I need it.

It's saddening, but what can I do.

This is probably getting a bit long, but it's not a wall of text.

Also, I like these posts.

And, if you TL;DR this, and then get punched/kicked/yelled at, then I can quite easily justify by saying that you were probably given a really really big hint.

"He's usually quite docile" - Mark Seatang, about me, to AaChan, during a lan party.

Hoping it rains a little tomorrow too. Goodbye Harvard.

1,2,1,2

"A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view" - Wilma Askinas

I also have a story idea now, but I figured I'd put this here so that you guys could cut it down, the great friends that you are.

I really have no idea whether I should be happy, or sad, all the time, or not at all, because being in between has no sway. Because, I like being sad sometimes, it just feels...not good. But right.

Unfortunately, it's somehow met with a great deal of resistance, not just by people I don't know, but rather disturbingly, by the people I DO know. And it's rather evident in some questions which are asked, and I am quite irritated that I have to answer with "Just leave them be.", because I can't do anything, I shouldn't do anything, and why should they, in any sense, be asking. If you can't very well figure it out for yourself, then don't bother, at all.

I'm being very vague, because I don't want the person that I'm talking about to feel offended that I am talking about them, and also because if they wanted to know what stupid and insensitive things were/are said about them, then they could ask the person who said them.

"An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect." - Mark Twain

So Aereas, don't bloody ask me. Go ask him yourself. You'll get more fruit by plucking it from the tree yourself, than getting someone else who is just as dishonest to pluck it for you.

You know all about filtered medium and language.

Of course, advice is only as useful as the ears who listen to it, so if they don't want to listen, then fine. But I don't want to have to keep pretending to be someone I'm not, just so that people can be safe, secure, in their little bubble.

I don't see why this can be good, why this can't be bad, why this or that is how it is. We learn about fluidity, we learn about acceptance. But what has really happened in the 10 or so years or Harmony Day? I believe not much. I see my brother going to Harmony Day. All he cares about is his orange ribbon. Why.

I'm....

I'm angry, sad, nostalgic, rather bitter. But the main point is. Why should you care?

"Sometimes you feel other people's pain worse than your own. We're armored against our own troubles. We can't afford to give in to despair. Then you see someone else struggling, and it breaks your... heart."

So tell me, why must you know why someone does what they do. Why must you ask someone other than the actual person what they are thinking, what they are feeling. Is it because you are scared? Perhaps.

I have no use for those who cannot feel. Who do not know what to do when they see someone in distress, whether it obvious, or silent. I have no use for those people who would seek to make a mockery of everything.

There is such a thing as the erosion of truth, the erosion of values.

"The man who backbites an absent friend, nay, who does not stand up for him when another blames him, the man who angles for bursts of laughter and for the repute of a wit, who can invent what he never saw, who cannot keep a secret - that man is black at heart: mark and avoid him." - Cicero.

I have no more use for the people who would not say anything meaningful to this. Who instead, say "TL;DR" who, would instead rather go back into their little bubbles, their little worlds. If you did not care, then please don't try to even make a motion to understand, don't even make any motion at all at a later date. Don't pretend you care. It's just so much easier later to know who really cares, and who doesn't.

"Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide."

You know what I say to people who think that subject X is stupid, or subject Y is useless outside the parameters of school? GO QUIT. No one is forcing you to do them. It would be much better if you didn't. If you can't quit it, then too bad. Live with it. Deal with it. Complaining to the wrong people isn't going to do much, either.

I believe...that the reason why you have education, whether it be english, maths, science, whatever, is so you can truly learn to function; so you can learn for yourself, to appreciate the world, to know what is boring, what is good, what is bad, what is cultured, what is not.

"No matter how many solutions are given to them, they just keep finding on some other issue to stall on because they don't have the right patterns internalized." - Ver, "How to Improve"

If you don't have the framework to learn, to live, to love. How can you possibly do any of those?

I think I'll...do something with this sometime.

"When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it." - Edgar Watson Howe.

I write so that someone, who cares, and I care about them would look, and know. Because what point is writing, if it serves absolutely not purpose.

So don't tell me that I'm emo.

Don't tell me I can't be sad.

Don't tell me that it'll be alright.

Don't belittle me.

Don't even try to do any of those.

Because where will it end up for you? Nowhere, and a very angry me.

Hoping Isaac doesn't read this. Because he is, apart from me, one of the most insensitive people I know. Perhaps Goh, Her, and Tom come somewhere else on the scale. I don't know.

Erm. Binary Fission

"4 periods ago, I had one...and now I have two."

So, erm. Flower boxes, it's pretty fun, a great waste of time, erm. Shhh.

And, I'll need 14 or so of them, but whatever. I have enough paper. Also, enough colored paper, but I'm gonna get more. As JM puts it, "you have cold colors"

Or something like that.

Need to write an English Ext essay, so I'll leave it like that.

Economics + Cells = Lysed Cells. Because it's just so scary, it can destroy at a cellular level.

Hoping tomorrow rains. But it won't.

Similarly...

"Heavy nose, wide wings" - The basic principle of paper aeroplanes.

Anyway. Work work work.

Cause y'now a weekend without any work has gotta be balanced.

Anyway, Bio Prac today, sorta fun, sorta boring, full of scalpels and gloves.

SNAP.

Anyway. English a little boring, Chem a little boring too. And polymers are weird. I mean, how do you even know what sequence is the monomer? Help?

There are 11 people doing Jap. That's more than the expected 4. I wonder who the 11 are.

Also, Physics = Ballistic Pendulum + Air Track. Hehe. And something or other's effect, with the floating ping pong ball.

And, I'm sad that McAullife doesn't have last year's NQE paper. Sigh. Or more precisely, he doesn't have the solutions, and hence, didn't put it in the fat stack.

After looking at both subjects' short answer, I'm now convinced that the Physics Multiple Choice is much easier, but it makes up for it with really really really hard short answer. And Chem has its easy moments, and then it throws you something really dodgy about PET, Alcohols and Acids.

And that's really, my day.

Math
Bio Prac
Chem Stick in Thing

So mainly math.

Hoping I don't fail my half years.

Ladidadida?

"So."

That's enough goofing around.

Also, it seems like I'll be doing math tutoring and swimming from now on

Hm.

And er.

I have a big stack of paper, and nothing worthwhile to make..

Oh wait.

April's soon, right?

Darn.

Hoping tomorrow isn't too hot/warm.