The best praise one can give, is the praise of another's character.

"For whose sake does my bell ring? For whose sake does my blood flow?" - Oath Allegiance

I got a rather...well. Completely unexpected...portion? Of praise from a certain Psychic Brown.

And, it makes me wonder whether I'm a good person, a bad person, a jealous person.

"Fraught with tempestuous jealousy"

"La Douce Odeur De La Jalousie"

There was a writing exercise today. Yucky. Somehow, that has become a part of my lexicon. But it suits me. So I shall continue using it. It is, in a way, a new idiosyncrasy.

And Cathedral. I wish I could draw. Why is it that I can't?

Asyndeton. What is it?

Asyndeton - The omission or absence of a conjunction between parts of a sentence.

Perhaps I should tell Tea-English-Study-Partner that her use of the term is actually rather incorrect.

It's Greek. Did you know that?

Why am I thinking like this?

It's not like me, is it?

Who am I?

Perhaps I'm the robot people seem to see.

The new bag I have is stable, but also very uncomfortable. It is off balance, it has no one point of centre.

But I'll get used to it.

Both Tea-Study-Partner and Brown told me I have a natural talent for English.

Do I? I don't have the marks to reflect it.

I'm told I have a natural talent for Maths. But the marks don't reflect that.

I'm good at Physics. Where's the marks to back up that compliment?

Chemistry. Biology. Where?

Sometimes I wonder how people can write poetry. It is tough.

I haven't blogged in days, and what happens. The most tumultuous days of my life occur in this week.

Why?

I give up a lot of things, and instead, other parts of my life become complex.

It is indeed a wonderful life, but again, incredibly complex.

I have come to realise that one can never be honest unless they are an impossibly pure person.

And in comparison to the person I care the most about, I'm a very bad person.

When did I become like this?

When I'm asked a question, I wonder whether I should tell the truth, or lie. It's come to a point where lying seems like a better solution because that way, everyone is happy.

If everyone is happy, then the guilt I feel is negligible.

She told me that I'm weak; I want everyone to be happy, and that's impossible.

I was told by a good friend that I rely a lot on tone, and gesture. Perhaps....

I could turn this post into something good later.

Don't you dare say that it's angst.

Preempting any other response...

Writing is an exercise for relief of emotion.

It is nice to know that later, you can re-read it, and wonder how you've grown as a person.

"The day you stop growing is the day that you die."

"Neku, think about what's the most important thing to you, and then answer."

I got her angry, and then, I didn't know what to do.

Despite it all, I never know what to do.

Why do people think I'm a natural leader; I'm a poor leader.

Why is it that when I don't know, others have the answer for me.

And why is it that I can never accept their answer?

I'm rather calm right now; it's not hot, it's just warm.

Funny. I have a friend who goes by the name of Calms.

He's a Spy.

I have not played against Traitor for a while now. Last time I played, I wasn't a 77 Hour Soldier.

I wonder if he's still wielding "The Julia Gillard"

Perhaps he is. But if he is, I want to see how good he is now.

It's gotten to the point where it's a rivalry, but at the same time, it's not any challenge. Trump him in Maths, Chemistry, and English, though I'm guessing about English. Maths, I'm 100% confident that I have already.

So where does that leave me.

I wonder where the Year 8 days went, and I wonder what would have happened if I kept to myself.

Perhaps things would have turned out differently for the better.

I regret everything I've done in my life, but I can't change it.

And then I remember.

"If you can't change your fate, change your attitude."

And then, I think, why don't I play with an attitude of killing everything.

Why?

Kael, do you look forward to every game, and play with an attitude of "I'm going to crush them, whoever I'm playing?"

You have no time to size up your opponent, just to play the best that you can.

It's the same with TF2.

Neku, get a life.

But, this is my life.

I'm going to leave up this post for a while, I think.

Winterrowd-Teach used to ask me "Do you have a photographic memory, Neku?"

And I would say "I don't know. Maybe."

Now, I think what she thought was a photographic memory was in-fact just my retention of important details. Chances are, if I don't think it's important, I will have forgotten it the next day.

I can give you, with detail, the layout of the Women's College, and we can check it with the blueprints.

But I can't tell you exactly what you had for lunch yesterday.

Maybe that, combined with some sort of "good observational skill" is what makes me, me.

And perhaps that's how I learn concepts quickly.

I'm experimenting with an extrapolation of concepts from an story which will allow one to edit it, and change it in ways that will make it a tighter story. It reminds me of electronics, cooking and deck building.

The challenge is to find a way to beat an obstacle, given limited resources.

It's not good enough to deal with a problem by running away. I think I do it too much.

"Sympathy is not merely "to suffer" with someone; it is to take their life, and make it your own, for a minute, an hour, a year."

I don't think there's anything else I need to say, is there?

Goodnight.

Hoping you think about my life, and see how it applies to yours.