Purpose and memory

"We must wonder, why?"

Or, "We must wonder why." or "We must. Wonder why?"

I think it's a bit fun.

My front gates of the fort is a blood stained mess of items.

Sigh.

Moving on...

I'm writing a new story, and it's gotta be... 500 I think.

Nngh... I will probably include it in 4U when I'm done then.

Valentines is coming up.

Are you guys getting people stuff?

I realised how little money I carry on a day to day basis.

But that's fine.

And I kinda need to print of 3U again, and then send it in as is... etc. etc.

Don't know where the 3 pages went.

Was kinda in a rush.

What else is there...

"Remembering... is always sad"

Though, the word that goes in between is "ice cream"

Which goes to show...

And my bins are multicolored.

How weird is that.

I need to find magma, I think.

Moving on.

I don't feel like I did enough work this week.

Gots to do more.

See you on the other side, I don't think there was anything I wanted to say.

Other than I realised that I lie a lot.

OH.

AND CHEN DON CALLED ME CRAZY.

FOR REALS.

I FEEL SO... SO....

PROUD.

As everyone knows, I'm special.

Hoping you guys have a good weekend, I must do work, otherwise I'll lose to people I don't wanna lose to.

Grrrrrrrr.

Rawrnyah.

The past... revisited.

"A-ah..."

I..I'm getting worse at maths by the day.

Sigh.

And all my other subjects too.

It's terrible.

I need to work mooooooore.

And to sleep early so that I can wake up for morning class.

Cause I have 4 Unit in the morning, and I should print this, which I shall.

And then work more on stuff. Mm...

I still remember what happened last year this time.

Ah well.

My memory isn't that bad, huh.

Though I wonder if maybe it's my fault...

Or maybe, that I really am just becoming a worse and worse person every year.

Oh well.

Hoping to see you all tomorrow.

A few things I was thinking about...

"Motivation?"

Few things.

I think, that if all my dwarves sorta just die off, I can reclaim it, and hopefully reboot some buggy immigration thing.

Maybe.

I really like the fort.

Or I could abandon, but that's no fun, and I'll have to redo the tree farm and stuff like that.

Now that that's outta the way...

Anyone know where I could buy like y'now. Wrist/Ankle weights?

They sound cool =D

More things...

I need to be more motivated.

And less....morally arrogant.

Or just arrogant.

Sigh.

Um...

Work... swimming carnival...

Oh, show of hands, who is going, and whatcha doing if you're going?

Or rather, vote on... stuff.

Etc. etc.

So much to do, and I... was just thinking about it.

And I don't know what to say, really.

Besides just do the work.. but I don't feel like I'm being effectual..mmm..

It's a tough thing to miss someone.

Just a thought: Kissing scene in 4U Eng. Yay/Nay? D=

I get ridiculous ideas all the time, I know.

........

I hope that was it.

Weights, 4U, Swimming.

Gosh...

I could........

There are so many possibilities.

"Alive isn't a sad word. It's only sad when it's over."

Um..

Yes..... I'll see what I can do.

Singing, Coding, Making a game for money... gosh...

So many possibilities.

Did I mention that churches scare me a little these days? Big, and scary and stuff.

Like a musty safe.

But it's probably not like that.

Um... something important... what was it.

Oh yes.

Eidetic Memory, Perception.

Two more ideas for 4 Unit.

Mm..

Hoping you guys are having a great time.

(Tutoring tomorrow)

Basically...........

"Run"

=D

Anyway.

I printed off my 4U first draft...

16 pages, and no double spacing eh.

I'll play with font and color and stuff like that later.

Probably just be doing maths and similar things like that all day.

Well, tomorrow that is.

And here's the other song.

I really like this circle for remixes.

It's really techno...dance? Though. So bewarned.

Um.

I have a lot of work to do, but I'm not really doing any of it.

I need to make a list, otherwise, I have no idea what to start on, and prioritising and...

I'll do that now, then go to bed.

It's 9PM.

I wonder what you're all doing.

Mm...

Have you wondered whether you're becoming a better or worse person?

Wonder what will happen in the next few years.

To be brutally honest, I'm scared.

Of myself mainly.

I mean, what if I can't keep an important promise.

Am I weak?

Have I been wronged?

Is there something I was supposed to do, but couldn't?

Swimming carnival is in a week, and it'll be the last one I'll participate in, as well as the first in...... 6 years, I think.

Free swim doesn't count, and even if it did, the last time I swam at Waves' pool was Year 8, I think.

But yes. Swimming.

I doubt I'll get anywhere, but I want to try anyway.

Do you ever get those times where you wonder if you're amoral?

I tend to think that I am, but people remind me that I'm not, and then I have to think some more, and eventually I come to the conclusion that I'm probably just really good at hiding the puppy kicking I do when no-one's looking.

Just kidding. Puppies are cute.

And they're so warm and cuddly.

In my wallet is a ticket from Spring Fling '10.

I remember that one.

Why I haven't thrown it out?

There is a certain sentimentality attached to various things.

And well. Important things in my life have to be kept right?

Even if they're useless now.

Even if they're just going to hurt me in the future.

It's important nonetheless.

I'm scared of a tomorrow where maybe I do something bad.

Maybe something....nngh.

Who knows.

I'm afraid that I can't keep my promises.

But that doesn't stop me from making them.

And I keep my promises.

Well, except that one time that I didn't but by that time, the person whom I had promised something had already, in my eyes degraded into something that isn't worth my respect.

Though, if you think about it, a lot of people tell me that... I guess, docile? And respecting.

Though I have to wonder if that's true.

I don't really think so.

I remember from recess that there was an idea to turn blog posts into stories.

And that's a fine idea, I think.

Remember that girl who turned her blog into a best selling book? I can't remember the Jap title of that silly drama.

Point is, anything can happen if you try.

Last point of today, I think.

I promised to make a bubble gun.

You know, the ones that "shoot" bubbles?

Realised today, from closer inspection that it's not air-functional.

Well, it is. But the "trigger" does nothing. It's just there for show.

The air is supplied by you blowing in the back.

I promised I'd make one.

So...

Basically, holder, air hole thing, and ring.

Three basic points.

But knowing me, I'll actually make a trigger so it does something.

Nnn.... I have quite a few projects hmm...

I want to try those UMAT past papers.

Sounds tediously fun.

Specifically section 2.

I wonder how empathetic I really am.

Or maybe, I'm just predicting from past experiences, and using patterns to see what people are thinking, or feeling.

Here's my guide as of now:

1) Have they lost something?
a) Then they're probably sad/angry/mad/frustrated.
2) Have they just discovered something?
a) They're in awe and shock.
3) New illness?
a) Shock.

Actually. I wonder if that's a good impression.

Ah, better try some questions.

I really hate those questions which talk about whether they're happy or not.

As if one could decide happiness from looking.

I don't consider myself to be happy.

Buuuuut, who knows.

And...

One thing... that I... oh yes.

Do you ever find that if you're given a few photos, you can judge what that person's personality is going to be?

Apparently it's something not many people do or can do... so I just wanted to know.

Probing the real, hm?

Basically, given a photo, decide what kind of person they are.

Things like:

Basic example: Long hair => Likes mess, lazy, doesn't really care what people think.
But the flip side is that maybe they're female, and longer hair means that they take more care with things, are interested in looks, and acutely aware of what people think about them.

So you take the entire picture as a whole, and just use your instinct, hm?

I might do an example if someone has a photo to show, but make sure you know the person, otherwise, what's the point?

Hoping you guys read all this stuff. I certainly will someday.

Maybe in a month. Or a year.

A realisation for a second time in a lifetime.

"Mmm.... true......"

I'm utterly incapable of writing happy stories.

SERIOUSLY.

I can't do it.

Just everything goes from Beginning => Some middle bit => DOWN THE MELANCHOLY FUNNEL => Bitterly Cold Ending

I'm not sure whether I should put the song about the ice fairy, or a song about existential crisis.

Mm...

What to do.

You know.

The easiest things in the world to do are those requiring practice.

Basically, linear relationship between time => proficiency.

When you actually have to think about your next move before you make it, and plan for a variable landscape.... it makes my head spin.

Basically, my problems are my creatives which I'm meant to be editing. I need a new pair of eyes on it though.

Ohhhhh, and.

There's another competition. Eugh.

I need to write for that.

And then another piece for AAA.

Aaaaaaaaand somehow between that and work and assignments.... god I need to do more work.

Well, between all that, I imagine I'll be running DF in the background, and trying to play 70 hours of TF2 before July ends.

Maybe before my birthday.

Oh......

Speaking of birthdays.

For the past two years, I've had the same beautiful present, just with different people.

It's kinda sad, but it's also very exciting.

Though, more sad the more I think about it.

And perhaps, writing is what is inherently sad for me.

Because it is that sympathy which draws in readers, hm?

That beautiful present...

To be able to trust someone completely is without a doubt, the best feeling in the world.

Aaaaaaaaaah, here, have the not techno song.

Tomboyish Girl In Love.

Beautifully cold.

Goodnight.

Hoping to see you all tomorrow.