Every time

You're never truly prepared.

"It happens all the time. What's the worst it could be?"

"I'll be fine."

"Probably."

But when it happens, it's the worst. You're stuck between responsibilities and well, a responsibility unto yourself.

It's an emptiness and a loneliness so caustic it makes you feel like a hollow husk at best. And you wonder how or why it happens so often. You've had it for years now, but there's no real solution. And it goes away when you do something, anything else.

But for that moment, when it's just you, and the dark, all you really want to do is go back. Back to yesterday. Anywhere but here.

You were fine yesterday. On top of things, too.

You wake up. It's Wednesday.

You wake up. It's Sunday.

You wake up. Tuesday.

You wake up.

Wednesday

Fairly burnt out, or getting close to it. In the interests of maintaining some kind of sanity, I skipped my only class today.

Was probably my fault, but I don't think I can help the way I feel. Honestly though, I probably want something that's so unreal, it hurts.

I want to be alone, but I don't want to be lonely.

Also probably my fault, but I'm not sure if I can find someone to talk to about all this. It seems so dumb, too.

Above all, I wish I wasn't like this.