Essay - Thoughts upon

"What are the facts? Again and again and again - what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars fortell", avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history" - what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!"

It used to mean, thoughts upon. And it still does, because there are science essays and such. English is a little different because they tack on top of it, a question.

And, it's very different.

For instance, I'm flailing with open ended questions, because the one thing I have no been doing, is proving that the Human Condition is wide and varied in it's encompassing of ideas. Maybe that's it. Perhaps, maybe...

At least, I'll try that for the next "Discuss this in relation to the Human Condition" question.

Also, apparently my writing style flickers/borderline colloquial and formal. It's mostly formal, and then apparently flickers into colloquial here and there. Oh well.

I have a white dog. His name is Hope.

He is wet-folded, and while he exists in my mind, he is not quite in front of me right now.

And that is better than a wet-folded model, because it cannot be destroyed. It cannot be damaged. It can't be forgotten.

"My biggest fear is "to be forgotten""

Practice will always further yourself. I'm still learning. I'm still failing. My essays are getting worse and worse. But I don't care.

Because I'm learning why.

Because there's a distinction between disappointment, empty and fruitless, and thinking about how you could improve.

"To be pleased with one's limits is a wretched state."

And, another favorite, from Tolstoy,

"Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

So, are you truly happy?

And so. I'm afraid that, in the exam, I won't be able to write as well as I do at home. Because I'm sad, because I'm angry.

Because emotions are rather powerful inspiration.

And they lead to very good points. Which, should be in essays.

So, if inspiration is from emotion. What's the solution to this?

There is really none. What does anxiety breed? So, should you take the anxiety and change it, truly change it, then you'll have something good to write about. Or perhaps, know what points you are going to present.

So, why should you bother? Why is it that work is so hard?

Because mediocrity is unacceptable.

Sometimes inspiration comes from the weirdest sources, but it is inspiration nonetheless.

So that's why I will not fail. It's going to be hard, sure. But I won't give up.

So don't tell me, "Stop doing that", or "Why do you have to do that?"

"Jealousy is the tribute mediocrity pays to genius."

It would also be a good motivator, too.

"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocrity and accomplishment."

Of course, people will always judge. People don't know what else to do in some situations BUT judge.

I realised that I have no patience for those who deep down, cannot be bothered to do anything; the laziness and apathy, that they cannot do their own work, they wish for so much and are disappointed when their expectation is not met.

Those people who say, "Oh you're so good" and they don't do anything themselves.

Really, it just means that should I be jealous, I don't have any excuse not to do more work.

"What's gone and what's past help
Should be past grief." - Shakespeare

You know. This is actually turning to be something that could go in my essay. Funny that.

I know that this kind of thing is going to be rather snide and cruel at one point or another, but I don't care.

I should, though.

And you know what? Happiness pales in comparison to grief. It does not have nearly that same lasting impact. Happiness can last for anywhere from a second to a few days. Sadness lasts for a lifetime.

So, if seriousness and sadness go hand in hand, I should write more about it, huh?

Ok, so practice regime for English => One essay, One story per week, no doubt.

Oh, today's the 30th, yes? I need to renew Animal Farm.

And y'now what I said about sadness not feeling good?

It does feel good. Because...it's hard to explain. But it does, from time to time.

And, I don't understand how you could say something, Aereas, and then do something completely opposite, proving that what you said is false. I'll let you think about what that certain thing is.

"The best cure for worry, depression, melancholy, brooding, is to go deliberately forth and try to lift with one's sympathy the gloom of somebody else."

The thing is, I'm always going to be brooding, and melancholy, and I doubt anyone can change that. Unless there is someone who can. And I really doubt that, without it seeming that they're actually trying.

So there's my rewrite in a long and stupidly clunky way.

Happiness => Not lasting, fleeting, too whimsical
Sadness => Lasting, but socially "bad", etc. etc.

So, moving from one point to another, and everything in between, should accommodate for my jumpy writing style, and also answer the question. Might write up that essay this weekend, and see what teach thinks, quickly.

And, why all this? Because Divya said something that Ms. Clarke said:

"Smile!"

"Why?"

"SMILE! JUST DO IT."

"WHYYYYY?"

"Because if you fake it, eventually, you'll feel it and it'll be genuine."

Nostalgia and melancholy go hand in hand, and it's not always bad.

I don't care if I think too much.

I don't care if you think that.

Because, why can't I think?

I do believe I've said it a few times when people complain that it's too hard:

"It's because they want you to *gasp* think."

Half hearted laziness is acceptable, though.

I think there's a difference between depression and empowering sadness. One is confining. The other utilizes a very thin bubble to contain you; a pathetic attempt.

It's times like this I remember why I like English. Because it's attainable, yet challenging.

Also.

Don't say that someone can't do something.

Everyone's heard of it, but I can't count the number of times that someone else has seriously told me that I can't do X, or Y.

I have 2 hours of spare time. I could be writing a story in this time.

Also, something about a homosexuality vs origami skill curve.

And, no, folding a piece of paper in half is not hard =.=""

It's disturbing that I can't tell a certain someone that he has friends apart from just me. Or, to go away, make some more, or meet with the ones you know, but don't think.

It's...I try to be tolerant. But one day, I'll snap. Again.

"Concern should drive us into action and not into depression."

Another one.

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

Pretense is draining, but it's not something that I can live without. Because then half my friends would probably run off. Or something.

Yes, yes, friends aren't supposed to do that. But I have a doubt that, in my X number of friends, I don't know how many, there will be Y number who would not help me when I need it.

It's saddening, but what can I do.

This is probably getting a bit long, but it's not a wall of text.

Also, I like these posts.

And, if you TL;DR this, and then get punched/kicked/yelled at, then I can quite easily justify by saying that you were probably given a really really big hint.

"He's usually quite docile" - Mark Seatang, about me, to AaChan, during a lan party.

Hoping it rains a little tomorrow too. Goodbye Harvard.