私の日

"Does anyone still remember　ラメンの日？”

Anyway, my day has been mental death image free, so that's good, right?

A few things.

Candid Fruit Friend (I forgot what I was gonna call you), there's a poetry competition going on atm, and you're going to join it with me! (Moral support and whatnot, because, how to write poetry?)

Swimming teachers and teachers in general have different rhythms. While my usual teach is technique based, the sub today was more about endurance. =(

So tired.

And, I still have to do a few more things of this blog.

INTRODUCING A NEW IDIOSYNCRASY



Videos! Yes. Music! Good, calming pictures! I won't post the dodgy one, with the women baring her breasts, so don't worry.

Have fun listening to the calming music. I know I am. With surround sound! (2.0), maybe.

Anyway, this is turning out to be *too* happy. Or...is it just right? I don't know.

Finished editing story, just need a good title.

I found the perfect transition for 2RaxRifles....Guess what it is?



Yes, that's right. TANKS. Think of the upgrades! The Mania! Etc.

Lastly, but definitely, the most important thing on my mind.

Dear Daniel,

To date, I think I've started most of our conversations; the one exception would be probably that time where you wanted help with the essay, I think.

But it's ok, because I'm used to starting conversations. Luckily, no-one thinks I'm too annoying for it, except maybe you, sometimes. But that's ok. You're still my friend.

I didn't think "What's wrong with DL these days", it was Aereas' question that made me try to answer it in a tactful way, but as statistics show, Neku is a jerk, and can't be tactful if his life depended on it. (It probably did.)

I did think about your post about how you just started crying, and really, I didn't know what I should do. So I didn't do anything, and went with my daily life, blogging, trying to talk to you, asking if you were ok, which, were met with your "standard" responses. And of course, all I could really do, some days, was think "Hm, he's probably busy, better make an excuse to leave him alone.", so I'd say something along the lines of "Well, I gotta go do something, brb.", and then not actually come back.

Whether you wanted that or not, I have no idea. I just didn't have any idea what to do, either. (Did I tell you I like long emails? I do.)

One day, a little annoyed, because of buses, and those were the days when I didn't have bloody images of carnage, I asked you quite brutally, "Why are you so cold?", while feigning a whimsical approach. Instead, I got a rather honest answer, and to this day, I'm still regretting what I said.

Anyway, eventually, I was talking to two other friends, and they told me exactly the same thing you told me, when I asked you. That there was nothing to respond to.

Some days I won't have something to put "out there", others I will. But I think it just feels weird to be talking so much about me, which is what this blog is about, so I can concentrate on directing conversations more about the person I'm talking to.

Maybe it's not good, maybe it is. Who cares. Either way, it's how I talk.

I used to think that no-one noticed, that of my friends, 2 of them would understand what I felt, but not why, and certainly not bring it up. I never really talked too much about it to them. And then, I made the post, and figured that would be that. Your standard kind of drabble-y fluff that usually goes on here.

And you know, I was quite surprised that you did, in fact, comment. Short, and brief, but definitely interesting. So I went and asked you about it, and then the next day, we were talking about black dogs, and laughing again, as usual.

Just like in year 6.

How much have I changed? How much have you changed? Enough to know that we're different.

But I hope that our friendship hasn't, and won't.

PS: There are loads of things I'm afraid of. Heights, spiders, rejection, people I love dying, me being the person to bring about that, a total loss of control, killing people for no reason, causing people pain, causing any pain, etc.

I could literally go on forever. Confidence and having no fears are quite different things. I'm human, for now, so, I think it would be unfair to the world to be unfeeling and unafraid.

Of course, you probably don't mean it literally. But, same same.

Hoping you read this, bookmark it, and just think about your life.