The truth of names

"Well, I prefer Toan..."

One day, I decided that I didn't like my name very much. It was a long, long time ago, and the official reason is that it's too long.

In actuality, it's just because I don't like the name. Nothing more, and probably nothing less. Coming from me, it does sound rather foreign.

By way of introduction, I used to not know how to introduce myself in various settings. I suppose, if I want to keep my distance, I'll use my given name and that's the same for formal situations. Still... I have friends who know me only as Toan, and truthfully, I'd rather it that way. I can't say it's something I've struggled with, but it is something that I wonder.

I wonder what my identity is. I wonder how I should present myself. As a student, as a gamer, as a human being. What's relevant and what can I leave for later. I wonder who matters to me, and what I should tell them, and how much I should tell them.

And despite it all, I'm afraid. Despite how much I might trust them, I'm still afraid that if I tell them about myself - show myself in its entirety, that they'll misunderstand or....

Or what? You'll what?

I wish I knew.