Healthy

Trying to decide what I'm feeling.

It's honestly something that's on my mind probably more than it should be. Part of it might be that I'm also trying to articulate it as I go. Especially relevant as I can't decide if I'm grumpy or annoyed or have a genuine complaint about the new rotation I'm on.

For the next fortnight, I'm supposed to be attached to the rehabilitation ward (which is predominantly amputees, stroke and orthopedic patients). Unfortunately, I couldn't actually find a patient to talk with and it's... Well.

Back up a bit. What's wrong.

The morning was a debacle. I had no idea where I was supposed to be because of the rotation and one of the things I hate the most is not knowing what the rules are of anything. If you don't know the rules, you don't know how far you can stretch them. Which sounds counter intuitive but it's important to me.

Beyond that... I suppose that and my realisation that I could be doing so much more, learning so much more if I was at a different ward contributed to a final level of annoyance that caused me to just leave. At this point... I'm not sure if I care what the registrars think of my attendance.

Don't get me wrong, it's an important ward and an important job, but as a learning opportunity, it's... miserable at best, comparatively. My conclusion was more or less validated by the amount that I learned subsequently on a different ward. Maybe I'm just more comfortable elsewhere. Anywhere else.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's my depression or if it's just hunger or tiredness or distraction. Lately... I've had a lot on my mi- well. That's not true. There's always a lot on my mind, whether I like it or not. Assignments, personal relationships, my own health.

Who knows. Maybe I'll figure it out one day.